learning as i go

it was a beautiful mid-summers day & i was sitting on the beach listening to my sister & sister-in-law discuss the 'joys' of having babies.  The leaking boobs, sleepless nights, tearing during childbirth . . .   i distinctly remember saying 'and thats just one of the reasons i want to adopt'. It reaffirmed my feeling that pregnancy, childbirth & all they entail just weren't for me.  I'll be honest . . . it sounded painful & scary & generally unpleasant.  Yes, i'm a selfish person.  And even as a child, i was never baby crazy - unlike my sisters.  i had no real desire to hold people's babies. Occasionally someone did make the mistake of placing their child in my arms. It was inevitable that the very same baby who had smiled & cooed while being in my sisters' arms would suddenly turn to a purple, screaming mess the moment i took hold of them.  Can babies smell fear? Even as an adult i became an expert at avoiding eye contact with the baby's owner if they came near me or would politely pat the child & say something expected like 'o, isn't he cute' with as much 'genuine' enthusiasm i could muster. so, it was slightly ironic returning home from my beach holiday to discover less than a week later that i was indeed pregnant. so here i am a little over two years down the track with two little monkeys.  its been interesting to say the least. i have discovered that the whole baby thing is much more fulfilling and rewarding, and so much more challenging than i could ever have imagined .  & i wouldn't trade it for anything.